tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45680109122768946222024-02-20T21:49:47.051-08:00The Sarah Tate BlogAuthor of 'Web of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist' and 'Renaissance - A Journal of Discovery'Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.comBlogger87125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-5434909878780685142015-11-20T05:12:00.000-08:002015-11-20T05:25:35.483-08:00Bill re-offends. There is NO cure for the Narcopath<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
</div>I wrote my books five years ago now. Lots of water has gone under the bridge since I published the. As I've said many times, my main aims when writing these books was to give other people who have been through the nightmare of a relationship with a Narcopath hope, strength and the strength to get away.....forever!<br />
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Let me just reiterate what I've said already many, many times. THERE IS NO CURE FOR NPD/APD!<br />
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Recently, I had a review of my book, Web of Lies on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Web-Lies-My-Life-Narcissist/product-reviews/145651668X/ref=cm_cr_dp_synop?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending#R3O3WHE6BLNTD4">Amazon </a><br />
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This person feels somehow disappointed that I didn't help my ex to 'cure' his 'illness'.<br />
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Let me please explain. There is NO cure! This is not an 'illness' it's a 'personality disorder'.<br />
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By very definition (and please double check with all the experts) a person who has NPD/APD can feel NO remorse! They can feel NO empathy. This is the reason it's classed as NPD/APD and not some minor mental illness. If you can get your husband/wife to to for therapy, then that's great! It's clearly not the PD's we are talking about here though.<br />
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The ONLY way to get away from a <b>TRUE</b> <b>NPD/APD</b> is to <b>RUN, RUN, RUN!</b> There is <b>NO</b> therapy for somebody who has no empathy!<br />
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I was recently contacted by the latest victim of my ex, Mr Bill Tate. She has spend a lot of time tracking me down via the UK marriage register and she eventually came across my books, which reaffirmed what she already knew about Bill.<br />
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I can't say I was surprised to hear from her. I had always suspected that I may hear from the next victim, and I was glad to pass some comfort forwards in the way Bill's late wife's family had done for me in my hour of need.<br />
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I must admit that hearing from the latest victim triggered me BIG time! I experienced a flood of the old feelings. The sense of injustice, and the fact he's been allowed to get away with it yet again hurt me right down to the core of my being.<br />
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But maybe this is all part of the healing process. I helped this lady by telling her she was not alone. She shared things with me and I was able to confirm to her that this man lies for a living. I even agreed to help her put a stop to his criminal activity.<br />
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It's all about passing a favour forward at the end of the day. If you, as a victim of a Narcopath, ever get contacted by his next victim....please help her. Only by uniting can we stop the abuse.<br />
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My wish is that this person, Bill, is now going to stop. Legal action is proceeding, but more than that, we (his victims) are all in touch with one another.<br />
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As I said before, there is no cure. APD is not like flu. It is inherent, vile, poisonous, and toxic. If you meet such a person, run for your life! <br />
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Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-60433803721989755672013-11-27T02:03:00.000-08:002013-11-27T02:03:57.128-08:00A quick update, and some feedback for readers.......<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
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I've received a flurry of Emails from readers recently. I normally receive about an average of one a week, but lately there have been many more. <br />
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Whilst I don't have time to answer every one, I do read them all with interest and I'm truly grateful for all the wonderful feedback I get. The Emails reaffirm my resolve that writing <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Web-Lies-My-Life-Narcissist-ebook/dp/B004OL25XG/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1385543364&sr=8-2&keywords=web+of+lies">Web of Lies</a> and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Renaissance-Journal-Discovery-Sarah-Tate-ebook/dp/B00506503Q/ref=pd_sim_kstore_1">Renaissance</a> was the right thing to do. I set out to share a very difficult story in the hope that it would raise awareness and help other victims to recognise the traits of NPD and APD. The feedback I get from readers shows me that I acheived my goal.<br />
<br />
I know I haven't blogged for a long time. Real life took over! The kids are getting older, my working hours are getting longer. I have less 'time' for anything, it would seem. I've become a master procrastinator!<br />
I still have lots of stuff to say. There are hundreds of blog posts in my head, and even about 40% of a third book already on paper....but alas, I've lost my 'Author' way of late. I need to find it again!<br />
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This week signals the fifth anniversary since me and the children last layed eyes on the Narcopath. In a way it still seems like yesterday. I can still picture his face as he said his last goodbye to the children, unable to look me in the eye. <br />
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It was the best thing he ever did for us and I remain grateful to this day that he left.<br />
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Yes, it's been a bloody tough five years. Yes, there have been times when I've felt true gut-wrenching desperation, even as things were seemingly improving for us. The cuts are deep, and they take a very long time to heal. But they are healing, slowly but surely. It just takes time!<br />
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This is why I want to acknowledge some of the recent Emails I've received. I want to reassure people that time does improve things, and that even though things seem dreadful now, they will start to improve, if you work really hard at it.<br />
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I've been amazed and horrified at some of the stories I've been told. I get upset and angry when I read about the havoc wreaked by these cold hearted, spineless men and women on their partners and children, not to mention the ripple effects on other family members and friends. I sometimes want to reach out to the victims and just give them a hug. 'I know how you feel' is all I can offer though. Sometimes it's good to just know that others understand, and that you're not going mad. We've all felt as though we were crazy during this roller coaster ride.<br />
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As I said, there are too many Emails to answer now, but I do wish to address a couple of people individually:<br />
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Linda: Hang in there. What you're going through now is the very worst part. It may not seem like it now but it can only get better from here on in. Try to stay positive and believe that you have a future. Get some help from those who love you. If they really love you, the WILL believe you.<br />
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Nancy: Be strong for the kids and draw strength from them! They will keep you going through all the bad stuff. Us Mum's have got endless amounts of strength inside, even if it doesn't feel like we have! Keep your parents close and tell them you love them and you're grateful for all that help. They're amazing parents. Treasure them.<br />
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Gayle: Your Email made me cry! Thank YOU for your words. I'm so pleased the book helped you!<br />
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Cynthia: Your mail really moved me too. You have been through hell and it has gone on for so long! My heart goes out to you. It's such a difficult situation with your daughter and I really feel for you. But she's an adult and she must decide for herself. All you can do is try to support her and understand. The chances are she's going to need you in the future, so you have to stay strong for her sake.<br />
I really believe that you will be OK, it's never too late to turn things around. You've already taken the first step and that's almost half the battle! Please let me know how you get on.<br />
<br />
Theresa: There are exceptions to every rule and maybe we shouldn't generalise by saying categorically that a person will or won't behave a certain way. Once thing about PD's is they are truly unpredictable. In your situation though, he did you a favor! Don't puzzle too much as to why he did it. Just be grateful that he did. You're much better off now.<br />
<br />
Finally, to all those who have asked about writing a book, I say go for it! Journaling is a good way to start. That's how my books were born. Blogging is also a very good way to get your message out there to a wide audience. Even if you don't end up publishing, writing about your experience is amazingly theraputic and can help you to look back and see things much more clearly.<br />
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Thanks again for the mails. Please join me on Facebook (link on the left) for more updates and links to useful articles and resources.<br />
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Good luck to all for a peaceful and narcopath free festive season!<br />
<br />
Sarah x<br />
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Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-15487709095815356982013-11-01T03:55:00.000-07:002013-11-01T03:55:11.325-07:00Joel Rifkin - psychopath....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
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Very interesting video. The Science of 'conscience' ?<br />
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<iframe width="500" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/n6WASU4-2jU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-40023759519614135122013-10-23T05:39:00.000-07:002013-10-23T05:39:33.416-07:00The continuing LIE that we know as #McCann<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
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Officer, officer...he looked like this.......<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzOOAPYZIDPoS5IwvrQYNvwI53jxYxoT3Ynn5xFepfPN9HLyQGOAexSGkIa4BAtsMjHbw49lYI4GavIalwIUiBmCa1fwo8y4lqBkJas3uFe69mh3Bj3Gv0F2IxKt1hnuulPnWo66fEy4Dg/s1600/Eggman.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzOOAPYZIDPoS5IwvrQYNvwI53jxYxoT3Ynn5xFepfPN9HLyQGOAexSGkIa4BAtsMjHbw49lYI4GavIalwIUiBmCa1fwo8y4lqBkJas3uFe69mh3Bj3Gv0F2IxKt1hnuulPnWo66fEy4Dg/s320/Eggman.jpg" /></a><br />
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But no, officer. I suddenly remembered, he actually looks likes this!<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheuSVANgGXd8YtfsWIlS_pGBihaoGfkI9T6zVD12TK2EdPFpoRTUjBj_gdeKs1kLPOrLU6Mc5HCaJq9sgF6M-DcqduuYlVKixc-DANrPbdL_st226dSiJrTpP66z7JaKw3UQFTXbfuT5so/s1600/tanner-carry_1457600i.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheuSVANgGXd8YtfsWIlS_pGBihaoGfkI9T6zVD12TK2EdPFpoRTUjBj_gdeKs1kLPOrLU6Mc5HCaJq9sgF6M-DcqduuYlVKixc-DANrPbdL_st226dSiJrTpP66z7JaKw3UQFTXbfuT5so/s320/tanner-carry_1457600i.jpg" /></a><br />
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Actually, no, maybe I got that wrong.....maybe he looked more like this??<br />
<br />
(sorry, can't put the picure of that 'faceless copper' up because it's not online!)<br />
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Ahhh, yes, of course, this was the man we saw.......<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOptz083fyMfZjnCPj0aZW6RI9DFGwEnInNHxlpIGqbEVdF7nepks_FiuZH_wDBUylJiBUBq8PZzN8lIRMl-maZzc8cgMIwh3PoWyVJcorzvL0bW_b0Hzw3IcvFvN6PMjxw4eM-cYsUWle/s1600/imagesMccann.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOptz083fyMfZjnCPj0aZW6RI9DFGwEnInNHxlpIGqbEVdF7nepks_FiuZH_wDBUylJiBUBq8PZzN8lIRMl-maZzc8cgMIwh3PoWyVJcorzvL0bW_b0Hzw3IcvFvN6PMjxw4eM-cYsUWle/s320/imagesMccann.jpg" /></a><br />
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And, I think an official police statement was made as to WHO this person was???? (please read the PJ files......)<br />
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Wake Up!!!!<br />
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www.mccannfiles.com<br />
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Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-76925942815763830852013-05-24T22:21:00.000-07:002013-05-24T22:21:01.609-07:00Help for the children of Gaza.......<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
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I'm putting this here for a friend of mine who wants to make a difference in the world........<br />
<br />
http://www.sponsume.com/project/send-me-gaza<br />
<br />
<iframe src="http://www.sponsume.com/project/4500/widget/iframe" width="480px" height="480px"></iframe><br />
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<blockquote>Please send me to Gaza<br />
<br />
Hi my name is Sarah Strudwick and I am an activist and writer on the subject of abuse, including children. My skills include avid social media blogging, and raising awareness of issues both home and abroad.<br />
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The harsh reality is that without your support I am cannot go so I'll try to keep the message short and sweet.<br />
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I've just been accepted on the convoy to Gaza which was organised by Harry Fear a journalist who lives and works in Gaza.<br />
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Many people in the UK and worldwide have been oblivious to the atrocities that happen in Gaza on a daily basis due to the fact that its rarely covered in mainstream news and often the news is biased. Thirty years ago I lived in Israel and saw what was happening first hand. Over the years things have become substantially worse ! As a result I have had a keen interest in observing what is happening albeit at a distance.<br />
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Its because of activists who have dedicated their lives to raising awareness that those who have had NO VOICE encourage others who are prepared to raise their voice for them, thus educating the more people about the atrocities.<br />
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These atrocities include: living in an open prison, and dealing with war on a daily basis and abuse of children and basic human rights. In addition Israel kidnaps approximately 760 children a year, and there are currently 243 Palestinian children under the age of 18, including 42 children under the age of 16, who are still imprisoned by Israel. I have refrained from posting graphic images on here.<br />
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Watch Harry explain his own reasons for helping describing what he saw in the mortuary.<br />
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Being accepted on the Convoy gives me the opportunity to see things first hand AND do something practical to help spread awareness on my return. My reasons for wanting to volunteer are too long to list, however to sum it up in a few words despite the potential risks involved.<br />
Sometimes we have no choice but to follow our moral compass.<br />
Its not always about taking sides but is about doing what is right!<br />
A personal message<br />
<br />
In my humble opinion I believe its our responsibility as citizens of this earth to do the best that we can but that does NOT mean having Stockholm syndrome or being codependent enablers of psychopathic behaviour.. By not telling people and not protecting those that are most vulnerable we are all part of the problem and complicit. We become nothing more than "enablers"<br />
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Sarah Strudwick</blockquote>Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-43623233408000391122013-03-23T09:05:00.001-07:002013-03-23T09:05:48.310-07:00Blog off!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
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<iframe src="http://blog-off.org/" width="480" height="1220" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no">blog-off.org></iframe><br />
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Protecting free speech everywhere!<br />
Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-54187945837755289712013-01-07T10:54:00.000-08:002013-01-07T10:54:23.545-08:00One billion rising....short film.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
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**WARNING: MAY TRIGGER*<br />
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Thanks to S for sending this to me.......<br />
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<iframe width="520" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/gl2AO-7Vlzk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-8460376331800498972012-10-28T10:30:00.000-07:002012-10-28T10:30:21.063-07:00Children of narcissists.......<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
</div>....and why we should protect them....<br />
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<iframe width="530" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/VAsankoYfq4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-85051409712985747372012-10-20T04:04:00.001-07:002012-10-20T04:04:54.884-07:00Doormat, or emotional punch-bag?I recently received <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Web-Lies-Life-Narcissist-ebook/product-reviews/B004OL25XG/ref=cm_cr_pr_hist_1?ie=UTF8&filterBy=addOneStar&showViewpoints=0">this</a> negative review on Amazon.com<br />
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I have nothing against negative reviews, they are part and parcel of being a published Author, and I welcome<b> ALL </b>critique, be it positive, or negative.<br />
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I just had to take exception to a couple of the points raised here though. Mainly because I'm human, and we all have that primal urge to 'redress' certain issues.<br />
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So, I'll take this 'review' of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Web-Lies-Life-Narcissist-ebook/dp/B004OL25XG/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top">Web of Lies</a> step by step, if I may.....<br />
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My book is a novel. It's<b> NOT </b>a self help book. It's a dramatic interpretation of real life events, and should therefore be classed as such. I didn't set out to write a 'self help' guide for victims of narcissistic abuse. I set out to tell a story about what happened to me, how it felt, and how I dealt with it. At no point do I tell my readers how to deal with their own issues. This was a very personal journey which I chose to share with the world. I do not proclaim to be an expert on NPD/APD. Indeed, I learned as I went along, as most victims do......<br />
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There is a<b> HUGE </b>clue in the title of the book 'My Life with a Narcissist'. It's an 'autobiographical novel' and should be read as such.<br />
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Further, there is a clearly worded disclaimer at the start of my book, which informs the reader, in no uncertain terms, that this is <b>AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL</b>, and that my book is <b>SUBJECTIVE,</b> <b>NOT OBJECTIVE</b>.<br />
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If you read beyond this point and are disappointed, then I'm sorry, but what were you expecting?<br />
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Finally, I have to address the 'doormat' issue, not only for myself, but for the many thousands (maybe even millions) of victims of emotional abuse.......<br />
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If you are fortunate enough to have never come into contact with a psychopath, then I applaud you. You are very lucky, and long may it last.<br />
However, for those of us who have, it's extremely disconcerting to be described as a 'doormat'<br />
Do you think we don't say this to ourselves every day? <br />
Do you think we all <b>INTENTIONALLY </b>allowed ourselves to be abused?<br />
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Please, give us all (and there are many of us, believe me) some credit.<br />
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We are not, and never were 'doormats'<br />
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We were emotionally raped. We were in love. Hopelessly and totally in love. And you are never weaker and more vulnerable than you are when you're bowled over by another human being. At that point, you are completely at their mercy.<br />
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Well done for you, Mrs Critique, for never having been in that position. It isn't a good place to be, as I mention many times in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Web-Lies-Life-Narcissist-ebook/dp/B004OL25XG/ref=cm_rdp_product">Web of Lies</a>, Self loathing is the worst type of depression.....and the reason us 'doormats' stayed so long with our Narc/Psych is because of exactly that....do you understand that? <br />
Maybe not. And why should you? If you've never been abused, how can you possibly know how it feels?<br />
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But please, Mrs Critique, don't label us victims as 'doormats'. We are far from that. My book is testimony to this. I receive weekly Emails from grateful people who thank me for sharing my experience with them and giving them the strength to recognise just what they're up against, and make that final break.<br />
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Because, making that final break is the all important step for us 'doormats'. Our eyes are opened, and we leave.<br />
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As you yourself say in your 'review' of my book, you were hoping that:<br />
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<b>" there might be some helpful advice as to how to either just "cope" or at least survive on some kind of level playing field with a narcissist"</b><br />
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Well, dear reader, there is no such thing as <b>'coping' </b>or <b>'a level playing field with a narcissist'</b>, and as long as you believe that there is, there is no hope for your relationship 'it'.<br />
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If you are genuinely looking for advice and help on how to deal with your Narc/Psycpoath, then I hope you find the right book for you. If you think you can 'survive' in a relationship with one, and not become the 'doormat' you describe, then I wish you luck.....<br />
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Because, as us 'doormats' will tell you, there is only one way to 'cope', and that's to get as far away as possible.....oh, and maybe wipe your feet, on the way out.......<br />
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Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-45548294977426017962012-09-15T08:49:00.000-07:002013-04-07T05:14:30.149-07:00Proud to be British!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
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<br />
...and moreover, proud of my Merseyside roots.<br />
<br />
This week has been emotional. It's been a week that we've waited 23 long years for.<br />
<br />
It's one of those occasions which is imprinted on the mind forever. 'What was I doing on that day?'<br />
<br />
Those of us who are old enough remember exactly what we were doing on April 15th, 1989, will never forget it.<br />
<br />
I was a teenager at the time. I'd spent my Saturday as I always did. In town, with friends, buying records, talking about boys...<br />
<br />
I remember coming home that afternoon and seeing my parents glued to the TV screen.<br />
<br />
'Something terrible is happening' my mum said, her eyes red.<br />
<br />
My dad was pacing up and down.<br />
<br />
The commentator was confused. 'It seems there's a huge problem at the Liverpool end of the pitch. There are fans spilling onto the pitch, and some of them seem worse for wear.'<br />
<br />
I remember watching the drama unfold. We could see fans from both ends ripping advertising hoardings from the side of the pitch to use as makeshift stretchers. It was chaos.<br />
<br />
Only later did we realise the full extent of what happened that day. 95 fans dead on the day, another the following year, and over 400 injured. It was horrific.<br />
<br />
We all know what followed, it's been well documented. Liverpool fans vilified by the tabloid press and blamed for causing the disaster by turning up drunk or without tickets. The blame was laid solely at the door of the fans. Despite the witness statements from those who were there on the day, nobody was held accountable for the deaths, except those who died, and their fellow LFC supporters.<br />
<br />
The families of those who died have campaigned tirelessly, and fearlessly since that day, in order to set the record straight. They have been met with hurdles and blockades from the highest levels of Government, yet they kept on, steadfast in the belief that the truth will ALWAYS come out.<br />
<br />
The ground was KNOWN to be unsafe<br />
The gate was opened allowing fans to spill into ONE pen, when three were available<br />
The fact that ambulance crews were forbidden from accessing the ground<br />
The infamous (and totally ludicrous) 3.15pm cut off point<br />
The smearing of the fans by the police<br />
The deliberate altering of statements<br />
<br />
Thank you to all those who have campaigned to uncover the REAL truth.<br />
<br />
<br />
I salute them all, and I salute the people of Liverpool, Merseyside, and beyond for never giving up. <br />
<br />
I was told on a forum this week that the pain felt by people at the loss of the 96 is 'cheap emotion'.<br />
<br />
Cheap emotion???<br />
<br />
When I questioned this, I was informed that the 96 are 'martyrs' and this person couldn't understand how dead people could be 'turned into heroes'. That people should 'comfort the living, and move on'.<br />
<br />
This kind of attitude fills me only with rage. Thank goodness the majority of us are able to reason and are not so blinkered and bigoted in our views.<br />
<br />
I have been heartened and moved by the resolve of the British public this week. The ones who have REAL feelings, and truly understand what happened on that fateful day.<br />
<br />
I'm proud of the empathy shown by the British public. And I'm proud to be a Merseysider. This week has finally brought out the truth which we all knew for years. The Liverpool fans were NOT to blame for what happened. The Police and Authorities (yes, right up to the top) were involved in a most despicable and deplorable cover up. <br />
<br />
The media (most notably, the Sun newspaper) were party to this appalling and shameful act.<br />
<br />
What we have witnessed this week is the result of resolve and resolute belief. <br />
It's not about 'revenge' or 'finger pointing'. It may have taken 23 years, but the truth came out, and now, finally, the families of those 96 innocents may be able to turn a corner.<br />
<br />
How dare anybody say they should have 'let it go'? <br />
<br />
And today, we see our LFC anthem back at number one in the charts.<br />
<br />
The British people have spoken. They have collectively united to download this most emotional peace of music and propel it to number one in the charts. Whether from Liverpool, Manchester, the Midlands or the South. This is the true spirit of football, and this means so much to us ALL.<br />
<br />
<br />
I hope the British establishment is listening.........because this is just the beginning.....<br />
<br />
<iframe width="500" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/OV5_LQArLa0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
<br />
Oh, and in case you don't know the <b>TRUTH</b>....<iframe width="500" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/wf15PAPnAik" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
PS. To Dad. I miss you xxx<br />
Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-57925884461544697602012-08-31T12:19:00.001-07:002012-08-31T12:19:54.469-07:00The predatory woman...beware the female PSYCHOPATH!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXOe80M278qlSQj5GVVeNEdbTIjxg5k54DOLp_0VzQ0_bReJNK8LPYd94PpAPnijNqm6uPIq4o2WOGB45w4wSNvxriuqrUaxd0ce9Os6hu0-2G_J-sGLyFfK67wC2cNxKalUCoDlFuZhqA/s1600/vampirewoman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="169" width="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXOe80M278qlSQj5GVVeNEdbTIjxg5k54DOLp_0VzQ0_bReJNK8LPYd94PpAPnijNqm6uPIq4o2WOGB45w4wSNvxriuqrUaxd0ce9Os6hu0-2G_J-sGLyFfK67wC2cNxKalUCoDlFuZhqA/s320/vampirewoman.jpg" /></a></div><br />
I've never written about this subject before, but of course it's a given that female psychopathy is equally as prevalent as the male version.<br />
<br />
<br />
I have lots of male readers, and I receive lots of Emails from men who have been through the exact same experience that we (females) have endured.<br />
<br />
<br />
Psychopathy is not an inherently male affliction, no siree, there are just as many female predators out there....<br />
<br />
<br />
So, what is an unsuspecting man to look out for?<br />
<br />
<br />
Well, here you go fellas, it's not rocket science, but please, watch for the following signs......<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/11/15/the-psychopaths-hook-love-bombing-sex-and-flattery/">Check here for the full article</a> <br />
<br />
<br />
1. The psychopath will use you for whatever purpose <b>SHE </b>wants–sex, money, a mask of normalcy–and keep you in your place by getting you to focus on your weaknesses and pouncing on your insecurities<br />
<br />
<br />
2. Once they set their eyes on you as their main target (their “prize”), psychopaths typically engage in whirlwind romances.<br />
<br />
<br />
3. They can’t get enough of you. They want to see you and make love to you all the time. They flatter you constantly.<br />
<br />
<br />
4. You are the one true love of their lives<br />
<br />
<br />
Watch out for these hooks, guys! They mean nothing, and will render you helpless once she has her nasty claws into you.<br />
<br />
<br />
Another note for you guys:<br />
<br />
<br />
She doesn't MEAN any of it. It's all a big LIE to get you hooked! All the sex, all the flattery, it's worthless. You mean <b>NOTHING</b> to her!<br />
<br />
<br />
If she exhibits symptoms of <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-equation/201205/female-psychopaths">aggression</a> or <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-equation/201205/female-psychopaths">impulsion</a> <b>RUN NOW!!</b><br />
<br />
<br />
You may also want to read up on my now world famous <a href="http://www.sarahtateauthor.com/cluster-b's.html">Impact of Cluster B</a> blog.<br />
<br />
Don't go there, guys.<br />
<br />
<br />
Psychopaths are all evil, regardless of their sex....<br />
<br />
Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-7983512426350154312012-08-24T09:21:00.000-07:002012-08-24T10:36:12.850-07:00C-PTSD - don't forget the triggers!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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</p>
One of the most popular articles on this <a href="http://singlemumsal.blogspot.ch/2011/02/c-ptsd-when-pain-is-like-boomerang.html">blog</a> is about C-PTSD, an invisible shadow which blights the lives of so many of us.</p>
There’s plenty of information about this condition available on the web, yet there aren’t really many articles which teach us how to cope with it.</p>
</p>
There’s a good reason for this. C-PTSD is very much an individual thing. It’s not a ‘one size fits all’ condition, far from it. C-PTSD is your very own ‘tailored’ condition which is made to measure your own situation. Indeed, if it were a suit, it would be straight from Savile Row, it's impeccably tailored to you, the individual.</p>
</p>
One of the best tools you can use to arm yourself against the seemingly unforeseen attacks (which can render you an emotional wreck for what usually appears to be no apparent reason), is to try to recognise the <a href="http://ptsd.about.com/od/selfhelp/a/CopingTriggers.htm">triggers</a> which unleash the condition.</p>
</p>
The external triggers tend to be the ones we watch out for, and are more aware of, because these usually provide a direct link/memory relating to the traumatic situation which caused the condition. External triggers are therefore the ‘easy’ ones to spot. They are tangible, and we can recognise them easily. Over time, we learn how to cope with external triggers and develop our own mental defences against them and the emotions they release. Obviously it’s going to be much easier to cope when you know a certain event, place, or even a smell, may set off that dreaded tummy fluttering, nausea, detachment, anger, fear and frustration.</p>
</p>
But what about the internal triggers?</p>
</p>
The internal triggers are the elusive ones, because we never really know what they are or which situation might evoke them. We may even forget over time that a certain emotion or feeling may trigger us, and be taken completely by surprise and left dazed and confused after the spectre that is C-PTSD suddenly rears its ugly head after a period of absence.</p>
</p>
This happened to me very recently. Having enjoyed several months of light with virtually no lurking shadows, I was caught completely off guard and sent spiralling by what should have been an innocuous event.</p>
</p>
I won’t detail the event itself; suffice it to say it should not (under normal circumstances) have unleashed such an emotional storm.</p>
It was to do with a feeling of (lack of) control over a certain situation, and to be honest, it left me reeling.</p>
</p>
This is why C-PTSD is so threatening. We can be lulled into a false sense of security, thinking we have it under control, only to be knocked off course when we least expect it.</p>
</p>
What negatively compounded my recent brush with it, was the fact that I didn’t realise I had been triggered, or what it was that triggered me, until several days in. Only when the emotions started to subside and I was able to think about it rationally, did I realise what had just happened. </p>
</p>
It was comforting to know I wasn’t losing my marbles after all, but it was also a stark reminder that this damn condition is an absolute bugger to shift. I had to go back to reading my own article on the subject, and the research I did about it during the really dark times, to remind myself just how difficult it can really be.</p>
</p>
We certainly shouldn’t underestimate the power of C-PTSD, and the havoc it can reap, but equally, my recent experience has left me feeling somewhat defiant as well. It’s feels as though an uninvited and most unwelcome old acquaintance has forced its way back into my life against my will, and I’m annoyed with myself that I didn’t see it coming, and therefore let it in again.</p>
Now I have recognised what it was, I can deal with it. It’s not easy, but we learn over time what works for us individually. Just as the condition itself is moulded around you and your character traits, so the coping mechanisms are equally as individual.</p>
Personally, I find it an enormous relief just recognising and understanding what the problem is and where it came from. I also find that talking to somebody helps. It doesn’t have to be a therapist. A good friend with an open mind is just as good as anything else.</p>
</p>
Running helps me too. I’ve <a href="http://singlemumsal.blogspot.ch/2010/03/jogging-to-beat-depression.html">blogged</a> about this as well, and can certainly recommend exercise as a way of relieving the stress. It also gives you some time to get your thoughts straight, because C-PTSD has a really uncanny way of screwing up even your basic thought processes.</p>
</p>
So, I have taken the time to remind myself about C-PTSD in all its guises, and in particular those very personal triggers which vary so much from person to person. It’s worth taking some time to do this, in order to avoid being caught off guard the way I was. </p>
Know your triggers! Banish the shadow!</p>
</p>
There’s a very helpful article about C-PTSD <a href="http://stress.lovetoknow.com/complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder">here</a>Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-62012645384063364592012-07-29T06:16:00.000-07:002012-07-31T05:17:52.067-07:00Single Mum? Yeah....and PROUD!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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We just returned from our annual sojourn in Italy.</p>
It's not really a big deal, just ten days on a camp-site, by the sea, just the four of us. </p>
We go 'basic'. We take our own food, all our own 'kit' and we 'muck in' together. No five star luxury required!</p>
It's probably the most rewarding and fulfilling ten days of the year that I ever spend. I know I've written about this before, but I just felt the need to re-iterate how very, utterly, proud I am to be a single mum.</p>
The camp-site was full of 'normal' families. Mom, dad, and 2.4 kids. Did we stand out? Yes, we did. We were definitely the only single parent family on the camp-site. Is this a problem? NO!</p>
It's taken me four long years to become truly proud of what I'm doing. It's taken four long years of pain and regret to finally arrive at a place where I can say I'm truly confident that I'm on my own with these kids, and I'm doing a great job!</p>
We are a very solid family unit, and we don't need anybody else. Yes, it's true!</p>
We don't actually NEED that man, that person, who was never going to ever live up to expectations.</p>
He was but a mechanism which enabled us to become what we are now!</p>
Thank you, Mr Tate</p>
Thank you!</p>
I want to thank you now</p>
From the bottom of my heart,</p>
Not for the pain you caused, </p>
Or the lives you’ve torn apart,</p>
I want to thank you now,</p>
For the person you’ve become,</p>
You’ve accepted what you are,</p>
That you’ll never be someone,</p>
The pain has grasped you now, </p>
Biting deep within your soul,</p>
Nothing you could do now </p>
Could replace the lives you stole,</p>
You are a fading shadow, </p>
Of a life which went to waste,</p>
All those opportunities,</p>
Can never be replaced,</p>
You think you have it in you,</p>
The love you clearly seek</p>,
Yet you could never reach it,</p>
For that part of you is weak,</p>
You believed you had a need for it,</p>
A capacity to share,</p>
But sadly now, you realise,</p>
That gift was never there,</p>
You became consumed in self deceit,</p>
In narcissistic thought,</p>
A life of puerile fantasy,</p>
Leaving those you touched distraught,</p>
You tried your best, you think you did,</p>
You believe you gave your all,</p>
But in the end, you brought it down, </p>
Your pride led to your fall,</p>
Thank God you left the best with me, </p>
I have all I’ll ever need,</p>
I’m richer than you’ll ever be,</p>
I’m tainted not by greed,</p>
You’ve taught me who I shouldn’t be, </p>
You’ve changed my view of life,</p>
I’ve recognised my worth, you see, </p>
I’m more than some-ones wife,</p>
And that you’ve chosen now to go, </p>
And live your life your way,</p>
It’s for the best, you know it too, </p>
That’s all that I can say,</p>
You are not able to provide</p>
The things we want or need,</p>
You’re not a man who’s capable</p>
Of helping us succeed,</p>
That task is mine and mine alone, </p>
You know you lack the strength,</p>
The choice you made was wholly right, </p>
To keep us at arm’s length,</p>
I see the wisdom in your thoughts, </p>
The reason why you chose,</p>
To leave us all behind at last,</p>
And draw this to its close,</p>
The choice you made is best for us, </p>
Your one last saving grace,</p>
You recognised we’re better off,</p>
If you vanish without trace,</p>
You know you are not worthy of the gifts that you received,</p>
The lives you once destroyed, </p>
The other people you deceived,</p>
And so, I thank you now, I do, </p>
Though others find it strange,
They think it odd, you see, </p>
How my attitude has changed,</p>
But I have learned you must forgive,</p>
The ones you should detest,</p>
So I free myself, forgive you now, </p>
And wish you all the best,</p>Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-45891733470918010552012-07-14T23:45:00.000-07:002012-07-14T23:45:54.058-07:00Interview on Dallas Woodburn's blog....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://dallaswoodburn.blogspot.ch/2012/06/interview-with-sarah-tate.html">See the blog here</a>
Tell us about Web of Lies. What was your inspiration/motivation behind this book? Was it difficult to revisit these memories? </p>
Web of Lies is an emotional rollercoaster which takes the reader on an incredible journey and gives a deep insight into what it’s like to be sucked into the world of a narcissistic psychopath, and moreover, how to escape.</p>
Narcissists and sociopaths live amongst us, yet many people don’t even recognize their character traits and can be easily left distraught and confused thinking that they are the ones with the problem. By telling my story and sharing it with the world, I hoped to help other women (and men) who have fallen for the seemingly endless (yet superficial) charms of one of these individuals. This is not a self-help book, but an honest and emotional account of what it feels like to be entangled in the world of a person whose reality is different to our own. Leading psychologist Dr David Holmes recommends the book to his psychology students as an extremely valuable case study. Apart from being a gripping read, it’s an important book for all those who have suffered in an unhappy relationship.</p>
I had been encouraged by friends and relatives to write down the extraordinary events which happened to myself and the children. I was doing some research on the web about the psychological effects may be for us, when I came across an article on NPD & APD. When I read the article I thought it had been written about my life! I realised then that I had a very important story to tell.</p>
It was quite draining to re-live it all in such detail, and to be honest it was quite difficult to read it all back again when it was finished. The book is of course very condensed, you get six years put into twenty-four chapters, so of course it's more intense than it was in real life. I'm glad I wrote it though, as the feedback I've received has been overwhelming and made it all worthwhile.</p>
What was it like to publish a memoir? Was it a release? Freeing? Was there any anxiety in the publication process? Is publishing a memoir different from publishing fiction?</p>
It was scary. You are laying bare some very raw and emotional events in your life and you don't know how they are going to be received by the readers. There was much trepidation at fist, but it helped that I had a strong belief in the book and it's message. I'd say it has been quite liberating, yes. I know I've helped people, as I get regular Emails to thank me for sharing my story. This has made it liberating for me. It's exactly what I wanted to achieve. I've not yet published my first novel so I can't say if it's a different process.</p>
How did you get started writing? </p>
Web of Lies was my first book, but I've always enjoyed writing and have written poetry and short stories for as long as I can remember.</p>
What is your writing process like? </p>
Computer. I plan out each chapter and exactly what I want it to achieve. I do this in some detail. Then, I go back and 'fill in the gaps'!</p>
How do you get ideas for what you write? </p>
Well, obviously the first two books are based on my own experience so that was easy! My third book is a novel called The Middle Aged Twist -- with this book I have used examples from real life as well as a lot of imagination. I'm really enjoying creating characters and watching them take on their own life in my mind.</p>
What are some of your favorite books? </p>
Anything by Stephen King, Emma Donoghue (in particular, Room), Jodie Piccoult or Patricia Cornwell. I love psychological thrillers or historical fiction, but I'm also not adverse to some chick lit from time to time! </p>
What is your biggest advice for young people reaching for their dreams? </p>
Go for it and believe! Keep trying and never give up. Don't let negative energy from others dissuade you. Remove negative energy from your life and stay focused!Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-90524738110656378282012-07-03T11:08:00.000-07:002012-07-04T00:26:58.564-07:00Tom Cruise.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br /></div>
What more does one need to say?
Can anybody watch <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWgUPHVEcl0&feature=relmfu">this</a> video and still think this guy is sane??</p>
I pity him. He's so far up his own backside, he lost the wood for the trees years (maybe even decades) ago.</p>
All I can say it this:</p>
<b>'WELL DONE KATIE!'</b>
You finally saw the light, and now you're doing something about getting away from this complete and utter lost cause ( and I don't just refer to Mr 'I am God' Cruise, but also the pathetic and unstable ( yet apparently monied) <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rD9bCdHqU3shttp://">SECT</a> he represents.</p>
Not least...why does Scientology attract <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6aCir5bu-c">certain type</a>of person??</p>
For now. I just hope that the little child he has paraded in front of the paps for the first six years of her life (they LOVE to show off what they've 'achieved') finally gets the peace and normality a child of her age deserves.</p>
And for now, I'll happily declare this:</p>
<b>
TEAM KATIE ALL THE WAY!!!</b>Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-12576316458474523242012-06-16T15:37:00.001-07:002012-06-16T15:37:46.652-07:00To my Dad....I miss you....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The gaping hole you left behind</p>
Has never gone away</p>
Things aren’t the same without you</p>
And we miss you every day</p>
We won’t forget your laughter</p>
Or your wicked sense of fun</p>
Your temperament, your humour</p>
You always were the one</p>
And even though you’re gone now</p>
We smile, although we’re sadv
Because we know you’re smiling with us</p>
Happy Father’s day, dear Dad.</p>Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-58482191878218593812012-06-15T12:00:00.000-07:002012-06-15T12:00:48.164-07:00Work, Life, Balance....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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For a single mum, work life balance is an enigma. We hear so much about it. We read so many articles which tell us how we must have the exact amount of ‘balance’ in between or ‘work’ and our ‘lives’, but was is ‘balance’ and why is it so elusive?
A single mum, for most (of not all) of the time, needs to fulfil multiple rolls.</p>
We must be Mummies first and foremost. We must be there for our kids whenever they need us. We need to educate, nurture and discipline them. We must guide them through their childhood and provide a safe and loving environment in which they can feel secure. We must feed and clothe them, teach them manners and respect, as well as ensuring their safety and of course their happiness.</p>
This is, in itself, a full time job, as any mum would tell you. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day to be a mum. We all know that.</p>
Then, we have to add that the single mum also needs to be ‘dad’. She not only needs to go out to work and earn the money to keep the family secure, but she also needs to make herself available for extra emotional support when required.</p>
Some lucky single parents get financial support from their ex’s, but rarely is it enough to preclude the need to work, and in many (most) cases, there is no financial support at all, which means that the buck stops with Mum. This is a pretty scary prospect. Not only do we have to provide the food, the home, the clothes, the endless pairs of shoes, all home comforts, the car, the holidays…(the list is endless) but that’s on top of what we already do every day in the parenting role. In order to be able to fulfil the ‘provider’ role as well as the mum role, we need to spend a large chunk of our week at work. </p>
This is time away from the kids, and as any working mum will tell you , this leads to feelings of guilt. No matter how much we try to rationalise it, all working mums feel guilt about leaving the kids (especially when they’re very young). </p>
Regardless of the fact that it’s a necessity, we can’t control our emotions about this, so we learn to live with the guilt. It’s just all part and parcel of being a working single parent.</p>
So, we’ve got 30-40 hours a week on ‘work’ and pretty much the rest of the time on ‘life’ (‘life’ to me is the time spent with the children, or on other activities outside of paid work) </p>
But….on top of the paid ‘work’ and the fun bits of ‘life’ (being with the family) we singletons also have to cram in some time for the mundane stuff, like keeping the house in order, cleaning, shopping, washing clothes, paying the bills and generally ‘project managing’ the family’s entire existence. Because, at the end of the day, being the head of a single parent family is all about successful project management. Most of us have it down to a fine art, or a perfectly executed military operation. Everything requires planning, and managing, if it’s to go smoothly. From organising childcare, to planning holidays, trips, time with friends or relatives, and any and all activities in between. Every detail needs to be considered and planned.</p>
So, where does this leave any time to achieve balance?</p>
</p>
The balance is achieved when we have the right amount of time to spend on work and life, but also on some pleasurable activity for ourselves. It can be anything from sport, to a trip to the cinema alone, a meal in a restaurant or even just a coffee with a friend, anything which gives us exclusive pleasure. Ask any single mum and they’ll tell you they have very little time at all for themselves, and when they do, they are so tired all they want to do is sleep!</p>
But you can’t achieve balance without this crucial ingredient, because it defines the lines between work and life. No matter how busy we may be, we MUST find time for an activity which gives us exclusive pleasure. ie. away from the children and the house, concentrating only on us.</p>
I spent four years with no balance at all. Recently, on the advice of good friends and my doctor, I took up jogging again (an activity I have always enjoyed). I don’t get a lot of time to do this, but I’ve managed to put three hours a week to one side EXCLUSIVELY for me. Shock horror!</p>
And, you know, it really works! I run, or if I can’t run, I’ll just go out ALONE for one hour. It’s amazing! Doing this for just three hours a week has added that all important ingredient into my life which was missing before. Balance!</p>
It doesn’t need to be much, but it does have to be exclusively for you, and it has to be away from the home environment. Staying at home for a quiet hour doesn’t cut it, because you need to be away from your everyday ‘life’ to achieve the all-important balance.</p>
</p>
Being a single parent is a struggle and a juggling act. We should give ourselves credit for all the hard work we do, and we should most definitely make sure we strive for that essential ‘balance’ which seems to elude us for most of the time.</p>
Try it!!Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-1730807292803533002012-05-23T11:09:00.000-07:002012-05-23T11:09:33.065-07:00Breakfast with Books ....Cyrus Webb<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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One of the best interviews I've done so far regarding my book Web of Lies. Cyrus had read the book and really knew what he was driving at when he asked the questions. The passage he read from the book was not one I was expecting to discuss. This shows to me that he really understood the subject matter.</p>
<p>I can't wait to appear in his Conversations Magazine in July</p>
<p>Thanks again Cyrus, it was a great <a href="http://www.blogtalkradio.com/breakfastwithbooks/2012/05/23/breakfast-with-books-welcomes-author-sarah-tate#.T7y-xklxAl0.twitter">interview</a></p>
<p>And readers.....don't forget that we're promoting <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Web-Lies-Life-Narcissist-ebook/dp/B004OL25XG/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1337795962&sr=8-3">Web of Lies</a> on Kindle this weekend.......you can download it for FREE!Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-65190728440272436692012-05-06T04:08:00.001-07:002012-05-06T04:19:42.637-07:00Writing book reviews...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I have to admit, I don't do enough of this.</p>
<p>That's probably because I don't read enough books, as I'm too busy writing them. If I do write a review though, I always try to make it constructive and helpful, and not just a description of the story. Even worse, one sentence which tells the review reader absolutely nothing about either the book or my opinion of it.</p>
<p>A review should be exactly that, it should describe how the book made you feel, what you thought about the style of writing, and offer constructive criticism to the Author, whilst also offering a recommendation (or not) for other readers who may be considering purchasing the book.</p>
<p>The other day, I received one of the most heartfelt reviews I've ever had. You can read it <a href="http://vm-ebookreview.blogspot.com/2012/05/book-review-web-of-lies-my-life-with.html">here</a></p>
<p>For me, one of the most meaningful sentences of this review is this one <blockquote>Perhaps, when we know of friends who are lying to themselves in similar situations, we should simply give them this book to read, rather than offer advice that we know they will ignore.</blockquote></p>
<p>This sentence really sums up the reason I wrote the book in the first place; namely, to help others recognise elements of their own situation, and recognise which aspects of their character are leaving them open to manipulation.</p>
<p>It's a brilliant review, not just because it's a recommendation of my book, but it really tells me that this reviewer has read my words, and understands exactly where I was coming from when I wrote them. An Author can't ask any more than that.</p>
<p>When I review books in the future, I'll always keep this particular idea in mind. There's also some good book review information <a href="http://www.writing-world.com/freelance/asenjo.shtml">here</a></p>
<p>Thanks for all those who have taken the time and effort to read and review Web of Lies so far. I truly appreciate the constructive advise I have received.</p>
Sarah xSarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-88124237551774114942012-04-15T06:23:00.000-07:002012-04-15T06:23:53.055-07:00Review of Web of Lies......Thank you to Fran for this review.....<a href="http://minds-eye.ning.com/profiles/blogs/web-of-lies-true-story-told-by-the-author">Minds Eye</a><br />
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<blockquote>There are many definitions of blindness. One where the person cannot visually see and the other where we sometimes are blinded by the truth in order to compensate for something missing in our lives when our happiness hinges on what we think we believe. People are not always what they appear to be and innocent women and men are often drawn into the webs of deceit, lies and intrigue when enveloped by someone that presents themselves as upstanding, well to do and respectful. But, hidden beneath this false veneer or façade is a person that no one really wants to get to know but one whose personality is so destructive and whose victims learn to late as you will learn in Web of Lies a true and heartfelt story told by author Sarah Tate who lived it. Narcissistic personality disorder is often hard to detect if you are mesmerized and blinded by the person’s kindness, false caring and extreme attention. A person with this type of disorder needs to feel in control, powerful and definitely preoccupied with his/her own self-importance and worth. These people need others to almost bow down to them and humble themselves in order to be in their presence. But, it takes cunning and clever person to snare their victim into their Web and create a feeling of comfort and confidence before the truth comes out. Bill Tate met Sarah during an interview she was having for a new job in Switzerland. Interrupting the conversation he did not seem concerned with the outcome of her interview only that he gained her total attention. Sarah, at the onset and time thought him kind, considerate and just trying to show her around her new surroundings. Little did she know what he was really up to and some of the warning signs that she immediately saw she did not heed. Bill wined and dined her although all she wanted was his friendship and no more, but he had a whole other agenda in mind. Throughout the start of their relationship Bill wined and dined Sarah and made her feel like a princess sitting on her own special throne. But, that was the part his luring her into his den of deceit and hate. So, why would she marry him and why did she fall prey?<br />
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<br />
<br />
March 2001 Bill decided to propose and take Sarah away on a romantic tryst to seal the deal. He even managed to convince her of the venue for the wedding. Even though it appeared she had the ability to decide and make choices she really did not. However, this is when the warning signs should have appeared and the red flags but when you think you really care for someone and are overwhelmed by their attention you are often blindsided as she was and so was everyone else. When Bill told her of his first failed marriage and the death/suicide of his second wife Sophia, that alone should have set off alarms but he was so convincing all she felt was sadness and compassion for what he claimed he went through. Even staying with Sophia’s close friends in order to clear out her things and bring what he wanted home, should have alerted Sarah to his true personality but it did not. A marriage of business convenience gone sour and a woman who might have wanted more but he claimed he did not. Camouflaged within this man who was much older than Sarah was someone else. The story has just begun and there is much more tell as I review Web Of Lies by Sarah Tate.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Then the money he had began to disappear, his claim that Sophia stole from him and took loans out seemed to be able to fool everyone. The intricate web of deceit really dug deep into Sarah’s heart, naivety and mind as Bill began to unravel and his true colors appeared but each time Sarah seemed resigned to believe him and not see past what he was really doing. Financial constraints, blaming them on Sophia and claiming he was superior to his bosses and they did not appreciate him. At times he claimed he took jobs that were beneath him in order to bring money into their home but Sarah lost more than just her pension money she lost her life as she would know it. Blaming Bill for Sophia’s death her parents would not want anything to do with him. Can you blame them? Using Sarah as his cover he even transferred funds, their home and more into her name filing for bankruptcy in order to not payback loans and other money and got away with it. Marriage seems right at the time but was it when things finally came to light. A red flag at their wedding should have warned her that his own family did not want to be around him. A startling dream on her honeymoon was just a prelude for what we are now learning about him.<br />
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<br />
<br />
As they started their own company she thought things would go right but his business practices were questioned and he once again lied and claimed it was not his doing or fault. One lawyer that took his side and he was able to forge ahead for a while and many jobs and contracts fell through and still Sarah did not really see the light. Moving around and going from job to job and now they would have to move again as Bill could not seem to get along with anyone that was in a higher position than him and moving from Switzerland might be her salvation except now she was pregnant again. She needed help and was handling everything on her own but her new friends came to her aide. But, if she were not to have any stress how would she handle another court order demanding money and payment from another bank? Except this was for her wedding.<br />
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<br />
<br />
Creating websites for people and charging them was Bill’s latest money making idea. Holding court at events in order to draw attention to him and shine the spotlight on him his norm. Instead of raising the fog that surrounded her and clear her blurred vision she ignored it and pushed her thoughts aside.<br />
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A startling revelation that stared her right in the face and now Sarah would regain her life. Just how she deals with the debts, the lies, the rest of his deceit and how she learns the truth about Sophia’s death, her relationship with Bill and more you need to learn for yourself. In the prologue you hear Sophia’s words, her final moments, seconds and her pain. As the author leads you on this tragic journey you learn much about this mentally ill man who preys on women, lies, manipulates and actually believes his own false truths in order to obliterate his sins. Dr. David Holmes adds a very insightful and informative Comment Section at the end of the book explaining Narcissist Personality Disorder and its manifestations and how it can be recognized and treated. Sarah you have finally found yourself and who you really are so never look back. You have realized that you have a solid voice that needs to be heard and sharing your story with the world you will not only let go of some of your anger and fear but help other women too.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I am really honored to have been asked to read and review this book and hopefully someday the world will not have to deal with any more Bills.<br />
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<br />
Fran Lewis: reviewer </blockquote>Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-60720185062835865802012-04-15T06:06:00.001-07:002012-04-15T06:08:36.046-07:00Remembering......<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLVswrdV-RAvTwGjXGnuncMm1viun11Qt-dEjAiSkRrU0LLdP_p9yObe79uUfspi1tZ9khx4eHH69-EeQSaTHW4OSoWQBKOAqLBCVaijQ1dOuyUbolLTHfP1RPrwIzGyScUjo5FkFA_GRA/s1600/photo%25286%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="157" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLVswrdV-RAvTwGjXGnuncMm1viun11Qt-dEjAiSkRrU0LLdP_p9yObe79uUfspi1tZ9khx4eHH69-EeQSaTHW4OSoWQBKOAqLBCVaijQ1dOuyUbolLTHfP1RPrwIzGyScUjo5FkFA_GRA/s320/photo%25286%2529.jpg" /></a></div><br />
In Loving Memory of those innocent people who lost their lives 23 yrs ago today. You'll never walk alone.<br />
<br />
Justice for the 96......<br />
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<iframe width="450" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ma3Nax8yyOE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-5330788596347812272012-04-12T22:06:00.000-07:002012-04-12T22:06:22.517-07:00New publicity for Web of LiesThere's a lot coming up in the coming months for Web of Lies. Interest has been slowly increasing over the past few weeks. There'll be pod casts, interviews, reviews and even a guest slot on a well known chat show.<br />
<br />
Check out the Goodreads giveaway below for a free copy, or go to <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B004OL25XG/ref=s9_simh_gw_p351_d1_g351_i1?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1GSV5NE0F6G1NZ4R80EW&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=467128533&pf_rd_i=468294">Kindle</a> and download the book for just $1.99!<br />
<br />
Check back here for details of upcoming events.......Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-52935104929715236792012-04-07T02:38:00.002-07:002012-04-07T02:38:59.249-07:00New bookreads giveaway! Hurry!<div id="goodreadsGiveawayWidget23850"><!-- Show static html as a placeholder in case js is not enabled --><br />
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<h2 style="margin: 0 0 10px !important; padding: 0 !important; font-style: italic; font-size: 20px; line-height: 20px; font-weight: normal; text-align: center; color: #555;"> <a href="http://www.goodreads.com" target="_new">Goodreads</a> Book Giveaway<br />
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<div style="float: left;"> <br />
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10266644"><img alt="Web of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist by Sarah Tate" src="http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1327943724l/10266644.jpg" title="Web of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist by Sarah Tate" width="100" /></a><br />
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<div style="margin: 0 0 0 110px !important; padding: 0 0 0 0 !important;"> <h3 style="margin: 0; padding: 0; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal;"> <br />
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10266644">Web of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist</a><br />
<br />
</h3> <h4 style="margin: 0 0 10px; padding: 0; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"> <br />
by <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4227878" style="text-decoration: none;">Sarah Tate</a><br />
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</h4> <br />
<div class="giveaway_details"> <br />
<p> Giveaway ends April 12, 2012.<br />
</p> <p> See the <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/23850" style="text-decoration: none;">giveaway details</a><br />
at Goodreads.<br />
</p> <br />
</div> </div> <div style="clear: both;"></div> <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/enter_choose_address/23850" class="goodreadsGiveawayWidgetEnterLink">Enter to win</a><br />
<br />
<br />
</div></div><script src="http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/widget/23850" type="text/javascript" charset="utf-8"></script>Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-68565039930954532232012-04-06T05:05:00.000-07:002012-04-06T05:05:01.677-07:00new trailer for Web of Lies<iframe width="530" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7eiv8elQIYE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4568010912276894622.post-18062169550684279102012-03-04T03:15:00.000-08:002012-03-04T03:15:44.200-08:00Cutting all ties......I get about an Email a week from grateful readers of <a href="http://www.sarahtateauthor.com/">Web of Lies</a>, many of whom are in the same dire situation I found myself in not so long ago.<br />
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For many, the path is not so easy as it was for me. When there are children involved, extraction may not always be as simple as it is desirable.<br />
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For all of you who still have to deal with a toxic person because of the kids, I wish you much strength, for I know it cannot be easy.<br />
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I count myself amongst the lucky ones. Not only did we escape from the marriage, but thankfully the toxic person has had the good sense to keep away from us ever since. Not so easy to explain to the kids sometimes, but I'm still eternally grateful that I no longer have such negative energy in my life. One day, the kids will understand that too......<br />
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'No contact' is one of the mantras you'll hear time and again when you research how you should get away from a toxic personality. It's probably the best advise you'll get. But sometimes, just because there's no contact.....doesn't mean there's no contact.<br />
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What's she on about? I hear you cry.....well, I'll try to explain.<br />
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I was once told ( by an eminent psychologist) 'You can remove the name from the child....but you can never remove the genes from a child'<br />
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This is so very true.<br />
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Whether we like it or not, the little people we bring into this world are always a result of a 50% sharing of genetics. No matter how hard we try, this cannot change. There is always a chance that your child is going to inherit many of the character traits (or disorders) of the parents.<br />
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So, what can we do?<br />
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A great deal, if we know what we're up against!<br />
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Most severe personality disorders are a result of nurture, rather than nature. If we can learn to recognise negative personality traits in our children at an early stage, we can probably do something positive towards preventing it.<br />
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I'll post more about this in my next blog. For now, I want to talk about 'no contact'.<br />
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'No contact' can (sadly) never be achieved when there are offspring. No matter how hard you try....there is always the omnipresence of the 'missing link', the parent who is now absent. Or indeed, (as in the case of many of my readers) still VERY present in the children's lives.<br />
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Although I'm in the (fortunate) position that my ex has chosen to abandon his children, he is still (unfortunately) in our proximity.<br />
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For this reason, and this reason alone, I would consider that removing my children from this 'proximity' would be the best thing for them. Cutting all ties should mean just that. We need to do, what we need to do.......Sarah Tatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00551372604526067264noreply@blogger.com1