Monday, October 17, 2011

Recommended book.....

I just finished reading Boy, am I mad? By Heather Taylor. I've known Heather for a while now, through online forums and Author resources.

Her book is an honest and raw account of how a dedicated teacher almost has her life ruined when a false allegation is made by a child. It's so frustrating to read what she had to endure as a result of this one false allegation. She describes how she was plummeted into the dark world of clinical reactionary depression. It's a heart rending story, and anybody who has ever suffered from depression, in any form, could probably relate to at least some of what this author went through.
It's tragic and frustrating to read about how a thirty year career was ruined in an instant, and it's shocking to think that this is a common occurrence. The knock-on effects of an allegation such as this are far reaching. The way the whole thing was handled was appalling.

Despite her deep depression, Heather manages to find the strength to fight back, and eventually re-gain some of her old life(although she is changed forever). My respect to Heather for sharing her story in this well written and captivating book. It takes courage to talk about depression. This book will be a useful tool for anybody who has suffered from it.

I want to get off........

I'm going to have a moan. I try not to do it too often. I can't stand the 'poor me' mentality, and I do like to think of myself as having a glass half-full, as opposed to half-empty. But sometimes, you just need to have a moan. It helps to lift the burden and ease the pressure.

Any working single mum will be able to relate to this moan. I want to moan (just for a couple of minutes)about the COST of being a single, working mum.

There is a threefold price to pay for all of us single mum's who are stuck on this treadmill. We all feel the frustration. It's that constant feeling of running uphill and not really getting anywhere. You try to do your best at your job, and you try to be the best mum on the planet, but ultimately you end up feeling as though you are spreading yourself too thinly, and failing miserably at both tasks. Sound familiar?

That's the emotional cost.

Then there's the physical cost.

I'm a bloody wreck most of the time. I don't mind admitting it. I'm shattered. Totally and utterly shattered. I'm in my PJ's by 8pm each night and invariably asleep by 10pm.

If anybody suggests I do something one evening after work, I have no choice but to politely decline. The batteries are all but empty by tea time.

And as for weekend socialising? You've got to be kidding! It's all I can do to drag the kids to the supermarket!

Finally there's the financial cost.

You'd think there would be a financial incentive for all us hard-done-by working mums. I mean, there has to be a reason for dragging ourselves to the office each day, doesn't there?

Sadly not, because the cost of childcare is so high, we're destined never to really benefit. The more you earn, the more you pay for the childcare. That's they way the 'machine' works. I guess it's the same the world over......*sigh*

So, why do we do it? Well, most of us simply don't have a choice. When you're left holding the baby(ies), you just have to get on with it. Somebody needs to support them, and why should it be my fellow tax payers? And, if I'm really honest (and heading back into glass-half-full territory again), I'd much rather be holding my babies, than not holding them. That would just be unthinkable.

So, I shouldn't really complain, should I?

OK, OK, I got it off my chest. I'll get back on again now.......

Thanks for listening x

Sunday, October 2, 2011

When is a narcissist a psychopath?

I wrote in an old post once about the similarities between a sociopath (psychopath) and a narcissist. There aren't many differences, they are generally overlapping disorders.

The general consensus, however, is that ALL psychopaths are narcissistic, yet not all narcissists are psychopaths.

When I look back at my own experience as described in Web of Lies, it becomes clear which end of the scale my own experience was. As my therapist explained to me over a year ago, I was dealing with a narcissistic psychopath.

So, how can you tell the difference?

Well, a narcissist always seeks confirmation. He/she needs affirmation for everything they do. They look for sources of narcissistic supply and if they don't get approval from that source, they get mad, really mad. They can be sent into a narcissistic rage purely because their needs for affirmation are not being met.
A psychopath does not need this affirmation. He/she is so convinced of his/her superiority over others, that it really doesn't bother him/her if they are accepted, believed, or approved of.

I experienced this first hand when my ex was caught red-handed trying to screw over his employer by selling company secrets to a potential customer. He wasn't phased by the fact he could be about to face a criminal prosecution at all. Instead, he was genuinely amazed that anybody could believe he had deliberately perpetrated a criminal act, and poured public scorn on those who accused him, calling them 'idiots' and 'jealous fools'.

Whilst I reeled from the horror of our public ridicule, he simply got on with his life, secure in his belief that he had done no wrong, and the people who believed he was a criminal were mere idiots who didn't deserve a moment of his attention.

This is the sort of behaviour which differentiates a true psychopath from a narcissist.

Don't be lulled into any false sense of security though, a narcissist who isn't a psychopath is still a huge threat to your emotional well being. They are every bit as manipulative and controlling as a psychopath, and if they aren't getting the validation they so desperately crave, they can be equally as dangerous.

I found a good blog post about dealing with narcissists here. The crux of it is, there is no dealing with them. If you're involved with one, get the hell out as soon as you can.

There is an incredibly fine line between narcissism and psychopathy. But, in my opinion, at the end of the day the label is less important. What's important is the effect it's going to have on you, the victim.

Whichever disorder you are dealing with, you are in danger. There is no safe way to remain in a relationship with a person who has no conscience. The only solution is to escape.

There is no rehabilitation for this disorder, and the vast majority of those who have it, are walking amongst us.

Don't wait.