Sunday, October 28, 2012

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Doormat, or emotional punch-bag?

I recently received this negative review on

I have nothing against negative reviews, they are part and parcel of being a published Author, and I welcome ALL critique, be it positive, or negative.

I just had to take exception to a couple of the points raised here though. Mainly because I'm human, and we all have that primal urge to 'redress' certain issues.

So, I'll take this 'review' of Web of Lies step by step, if I may.....

My book is a novel. It's NOT a self help book. It's a dramatic interpretation of real life events, and should therefore be classed as such. I didn't set out to write a 'self help' guide for victims of narcissistic abuse. I set out to tell a story about what happened to me, how it felt, and how I dealt with it. At no point do I tell my readers how to deal with their own issues. This was a very personal journey which I chose to share with the world. I do not proclaim to be an expert on NPD/APD. Indeed, I learned as I went along, as most victims do......

There is a HUGE clue in the title of the book 'My Life with a Narcissist'. It's an 'autobiographical novel' and should be read as such.

Further, there is a clearly worded disclaimer at the start of my book, which informs the reader, in no uncertain terms, that this is AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL, and that my book is SUBJECTIVE, NOT OBJECTIVE.

If you read beyond this point and are disappointed, then I'm sorry, but what were you expecting?

Finally, I have to address the 'doormat' issue, not only for myself, but for the many thousands (maybe even millions) of victims of emotional abuse.......

If you are fortunate enough to have never come into contact with a psychopath, then I applaud you. You are very lucky, and long may it last.
However, for those of us who have, it's extremely disconcerting to be described as a 'doormat'
Do you think we don't say this to ourselves every day?
Do you think we all INTENTIONALLY allowed ourselves to be abused?

Please, give us all (and there are many of us, believe me) some credit.

We are not, and never were 'doormats'

We were emotionally raped. We were in love. Hopelessly and totally in love. And you are never weaker and more vulnerable than you are when you're bowled over by another human being. At that point, you are completely at their mercy.

Well done for you, Mrs Critique, for never having been in that position. It isn't a good place to be, as I mention many times in Web of Lies, Self loathing is the worst type of depression.....and the reason us 'doormats' stayed so long with our Narc/Psych is because of exactly you understand that?
Maybe not. And why should you? If you've never been abused, how can you possibly know how it feels?

But please, Mrs Critique, don't label us victims as 'doormats'. We are far from that. My book is testimony to this. I receive weekly Emails from grateful people who thank me for sharing my experience with them and giving them the strength to recognise just what they're up against, and make that final break.

Because, making that final break is the all important step for us 'doormats'. Our eyes are opened, and we leave.

As you yourself say in your 'review' of my book, you were hoping that:

" there might be some helpful advice as to how to either just "cope" or at least survive on some kind of level playing field with a narcissist"

Well, dear reader, there is no such thing as 'coping' or 'a level playing field with a narcissist', and as long as you believe that there is, there is no hope for your relationship 'it'.

If you are genuinely looking for advice and help on how to deal with your Narc/Psycpoath, then I hope you find the right book for you. If you think you can 'survive' in a relationship with one, and not become the 'doormat' you describe, then I wish you luck.....

Because, as us 'doormats' will tell you, there is only one way to 'cope', and that's to get as far away as possible.....oh, and maybe wipe your feet, on the way out.......