Friday, August 31, 2012

The predatory woman...beware the female PSYCHOPATH!

I've never written about this subject before, but of course it's a given that female psychopathy is equally as prevalent as the male version.

I have lots of male readers, and I receive lots of Emails from men who have been through the exact same experience that we (females) have endured.

Psychopathy is not an inherently male affliction, no siree, there are just as many female predators out there....

So, what is an unsuspecting man to look out for?

Well, here you go fellas, it's not rocket science, but please, watch for the following signs......

Check here for the full article

1. The psychopath will use you for whatever purpose SHE wants–sex, money, a mask of normalcy–and keep you in your place by getting you to focus on your weaknesses and pouncing on your insecurities

2. Once they set their eyes on you as their main target (their “prize”), psychopaths typically engage in whirlwind romances.

3. They can’t get enough of you. They want to see you and make love to you all the time. They flatter you constantly.

4. You are the one true love of their lives

Watch out for these hooks, guys! They mean nothing, and will render you helpless once she has her nasty claws into you.

Another note for you guys:

She doesn't MEAN any of it. It's all a big LIE to get you hooked! All the sex, all the flattery, it's worthless. You mean NOTHING to her!

If she exhibits symptoms of aggression or impulsion RUN NOW!!

You may also want to read up on my now world famous Impact of Cluster B blog.

Don't go there, guys.

Psychopaths are all evil, regardless of their sex....

Friday, August 24, 2012

C-PTSD - don't forget the triggers!

One of the most popular articles on this blog is about C-PTSD, an invisible shadow which blights the lives of so many of us.

There’s plenty of information about this condition available on the web, yet there aren’t really many articles which teach us how to cope with it.

There’s a good reason for this. C-PTSD is very much an individual thing. It’s not a ‘one size fits all’ condition, far from it. C-PTSD is your very own ‘tailored’ condition which is made to measure your own situation. Indeed, if it were a suit, it would be straight from Savile Row, it's impeccably tailored to you, the individual.

One of the best tools you can use to arm yourself against the seemingly unforeseen attacks (which can render you an emotional wreck for what usually appears to be no apparent reason), is to try to recognise the triggers which unleash the condition.

The external triggers tend to be the ones we watch out for, and are more aware of, because these usually provide a direct link/memory relating to the traumatic situation which caused the condition. External triggers are therefore the ‘easy’ ones to spot. They are tangible, and we can recognise them easily. Over time, we learn how to cope with external triggers and develop our own mental defences against them and the emotions they release. Obviously it’s going to be much easier to cope when you know a certain event, place, or even a smell, may set off that dreaded tummy fluttering, nausea, detachment, anger, fear and frustration.

But what about the internal triggers?

The internal triggers are the elusive ones, because we never really know what they are or which situation might evoke them. We may even forget over time that a certain emotion or feeling may trigger us, and be taken completely by surprise and left dazed and confused after the spectre that is C-PTSD suddenly rears its ugly head after a period of absence.

This happened to me very recently. Having enjoyed several months of light with virtually no lurking shadows, I was caught completely off guard and sent spiralling by what should have been an innocuous event.

I won’t detail the event itself; suffice it to say it should not (under normal circumstances) have unleashed such an emotional storm.

It was to do with a feeling of (lack of) control over a certain situation, and to be honest, it left me reeling.

This is why C-PTSD is so threatening. We can be lulled into a false sense of security, thinking we have it under control, only to be knocked off course when we least expect it.

What negatively compounded my recent brush with it, was the fact that I didn’t realise I had been triggered, or what it was that triggered me, until several days in. Only when the emotions started to subside and I was able to think about it rationally, did I realise what had just happened.

It was comforting to know I wasn’t losing my marbles after all, but it was also a stark reminder that this damn condition is an absolute bugger to shift. I had to go back to reading my own article on the subject, and the research I did about it during the really dark times, to remind myself just how difficult it can really be.

We certainly shouldn’t underestimate the power of C-PTSD, and the havoc it can reap, but equally, my recent experience has left me feeling somewhat defiant as well. It’s feels as though an uninvited and most unwelcome old acquaintance has forced its way back into my life against my will, and I’m annoyed with myself that I didn’t see it coming, and therefore let it in again.

Now I have recognised what it was, I can deal with it. It’s not easy, but we learn over time what works for us individually. Just as the condition itself is moulded around you and your character traits, so the coping mechanisms are equally as individual.

Personally, I find it an enormous relief just recognising and understanding what the problem is and where it came from. I also find that talking to somebody helps. It doesn’t have to be a therapist. A good friend with an open mind is just as good as anything else.

Running helps me too. I’ve blogged about this as well, and can certainly recommend exercise as a way of relieving the stress. It also gives you some time to get your thoughts straight, because C-PTSD has a really uncanny way of screwing up even your basic thought processes.

So, I have taken the time to remind myself about C-PTSD in all its guises, and in particular those very personal triggers which vary so much from person to person. It’s worth taking some time to do this, in order to avoid being caught off guard the way I was.

Know your triggers! Banish the shadow!

There’s a very helpful article about C-PTSD here