Friday, May 13, 2011

from the archives....... a word about Renaissance.....

I stated in a blog post back in February 2010 that the epilogue for Web of Lies may well end up turning into a book of its own.

Well I was right, it did.




Like Web of Lies before it, Renaissance took on a life of its own. I didn't drive this book, it drove me.

I began writing it in response to the many enquiries I’d received from readers regarding mine and the children’s well-being. My initial plan was to just write an update, to let everybody know that there is light at the end of the long, dark tunnel, and that I was now stepping out into it. I wanted everybody to know that the darkness doesn’t last forever, and that with time, patience, and the help of loved ones, you can overcome just about anything.

When I began to write though, it became apparent that the recovery message is every bit as powerful and relevant as the message about recognizing the abuse in the first place. It doesn't end when you make the break. If anything, escape is just the beginning.

Nothing can be rushed, that’s what I’ve learned these past few years. We go through certain processes as we move forward with our lives, recovery is one of those processes. And as long as we keep our minds open, accept our limitations, and recognize our potential, we will continue to evolve and grow as individuals, and we can achieve just about anything we want to.

Through writing Renaissance, I have also learned another very important lesson; namely, that to reach the light, we must sometimes re-visit the dark.

There is a ‘Therapist’ who features quite heavily in Renaissance. I visit her with regularity in the book (as I did in real life), and she advises and guides both me and the children towards recovery.

In Renaissance, the ‘Therapist’ has actually become the amalgamation of several different people I have met (and many I have not met, but merely corresponded with) along the road to recovery. And so, the ‘Therapist’ has evolved into a mechanism for explaining everything that I learned over the past three years.

Renaissance is not intended as a self-help book, there are plenty excellent ones about already, and they are written by people far better qualified that I am when it comes to educating the reader in what to expect and how to react. I simply wanted to describe the process I have experienced personally, and what I have gained from it. I have left the psychology to the experts, from whom I’ve learned so much during this journey. And so, my books are not psychological road-maps, they simply relay a real life story, and hopefully demonstrate that we, as ordinary people, can ALL do extraordinary things.

I hope that my portrayal of the ‘Therapist’ in this book pays suitable homage to all those people who have helped me and the kids along the recovery journey. I hope that the reader can learn from the ‘Therapist’, in the same way I have learned from friends, family, fellow authors, and experts in the field of psychology.

Renaissance is now out on Kindle and Smashwords

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Renaissance - The Trailer......

You can find out all about Renaissance here

It will go on sale in April. Check back here for more details!


Saturday, March 12, 2011

Smashwords special offer, for one month.....

For all you avid Ebook readers!

You can get 30% off Web of Lies at SMASHWORDS for the next month, by giving in the following coupon code:

ME38J

Happy reading!

Sarah

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Book giveaway Web of Lies.....hurry if you want to win!

Do you want to win a FREE copy of my book? If so, don't miss the Goodreads book give-away competition. There are only a few books available, so hurry if you want the chance to win!

Good luck!

Sarah






Goodreads Book Giveaway





Web of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist (Paperback) by Sarah Tate



Web of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist


by Sarah Tate



Giveaway ends March 18, 2011.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.




Enter to win


Friday, February 25, 2011

C-PTSD - when pain is like a boomerang

Many people have contacted me recently to ask me about recovery and what is the time scale for this.
There is no answer to that question. Recovery cannot be measured in time, it is a variable entity, which can one minute appear to have been achieved, and the next minute, appear to elude us completely.

Many people who have suffered in a long term toxic relationship experience what is known in psychology circles as ‘Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or C-PTSD.

Whereas Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is usually the result of a one off major event or occurrence, C-PTSD is known to be caused after a person has suffered a long-term situation where he/she has felt a ‘loss of control’ due to emotional, or physical abuse, kidnapping, imprisonment, or long term exposure to unpleasant or crisis situations.
C-PTSD is, therefore, caused when a person has experienced sustained periods of extreme stress. Anybody who has been in a toxic relationship knows how prolonged and extreme that stress can be.
Don’t underestimate C-PTSD and the effects it can have on your life for many years after escape from the oppressive situation or toxic relationship.
C-PTSD is a psychological injury, and in the same way as a physical injury, it needs to be treated and healed over time. In many cases, it will recur, and you must always be aware of it, and how it can affect you and your relationships.
If you suspect you might be suffering from this illness, here are some of the classic symptoms:

• Feelings of dread or horror
• Feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, shame and guilt
Hypervigilence
• Prone to bouts of depression
• Using alcohol, or drugs, to ‘block out’ the pain
• Insomnia
• Fits of rage
• Low self-esteem, which may even lead to self-harming
• Development of eating disorders
• Feeling ‘out of control’
• Blaming yourself for everything/ feeling you’re letting everybody down
• Loss of memory
• Feeling small, insignificant, or invisible
• Chronic fatigue

Of course, these symptoms may vary from person to person in both intensity and degree, but if you have been in a toxic relationship, and are now experiencing any of the above symptoms, then the chances are, that you are suffering from C-PTSD.

What can you do?

Be kind to yourself! It’s important to understand that you have been psychologically wounded, and that these wounds will take time and patience to heal. Recognizing the problem is a good first step, but you are going to need to get professional help in order to really deal with it fully.
Get the help of a professional counsellor or psychiatrist. In many cases, both medication and long term therapy will be required. Don’t be afraid to go and seek this out. There’s no shame in admitting we need some support from time to time.

Therapy should include help with the following:

Learning about ‘triggers’ which are likely to send you emotionally off course.
C-PTSD is associated with feelings of powerlessness. In a toxic relationship, a person has often found themselves trapped in impossible situations for prolonged periods of time, and this leaves scars on the mind. Emotional ‘triggers’ can be anything which remind us of the feelings of helplessness we once had. Anything can trigger an adverse reaction, but over time you will learn to recognize which situations tend to trigger you, and then you can learn to avoid them, or at least be prepared for the reaction you are likely to have.

Relapse Prevention: Learning how to address the urges to self-harm, use alcohol, have anger outbursts etc. Relapses can continue to take place many years after removal from the situation has occurred. The mind is a very powerful machine, it is intricate and complex. We are wired like computers and keeping the mind balanced can be tough when we’re presented with stresses and strains. We may bury or suppress emotions for many years, only to have them rear their heads again without warning. This can happen to all of us. It doesn’t mean we are weak, and it can be managed, so don’t give up hope.

Learning to deal with our emotions: The emotions experienced by a C-PTSD sufferer are intense and sometimes terrifying. This is due to the hyper vigilance caused by the psychological injury we have sustained. Dealing with the emotions can be hard, but it must be learned. It’s so important not to bury them or try to hide from them. A good therapist will use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or CBT to help you to come to terms with these feelings.

Most importantly, you need to learn and understand that what happened was beyond your control. You didn’t cause it to happen, and you most certainly didn’t deserve for it to happen.

You also need to accept that it happened, and that the toxic situation can never be recovered or ‘repaired’. All you can do is learn, and move on. Accept also that it will not happen overnight, and that there is no miracle cure. It will take you a lot of hard work and determination to recover, and there will be pitfalls along the way. It can seem like such a mammoth task when you’re being overwhelmed with all the negative emotions C-PTSD brings. But rest assured it IS recoverable.

Also, be aware that C-PTSD is NOT a personality disorder. It has sometimes been (wrongly) linked to BPD, but this is mis-information! As I said before, it is an INJURY and has nothing to do with a personality disorder.

For more information/advice on C-PTSD, go here

But don't rely on the internet, get some support!

xx

Sunday, February 20, 2011

for my little man.....

who is now FOUR!!



Oh little man
You've changed my life
I ache each time you smile
You bring such joy
My baby boy
Make everything worthwhile

And even though
You're still so small
You radiate such light
Those eyes of blue
Love shining through
For me
A wondrous sight

Each day you change
In some small way
I dare not miss a thing
Ten tiny toes
Cute button nose
A laugh to make me sing

I touch your skin
So soft and pure
You lie inside my arms
To keep you here
Away from fear
I can't resist your charms

Your cheeky grin
Can make me smile
It has the power to heal
Your laugh, so pure
I do adore
Your mischief I can feel

I stand in awe
My gorgeous boy
My little man, my son
Sent from above
With so much love
My sunshine, you're the one





Love you, my sunshine xxxx