Sunday, June 20, 2010

A musical kairos

I have always been a lover of music. From being a small child and marvelling at my Dads expansive record collection (if not at his taste!) right through until my ex bought an Ipod when they first came on the market, I like to turn it up, and lose myself in it.

Many of my own poems have been inspired by the music I listen to. There is meaning in everything, and invariably we can relate lyrics to our own lives. As Elton John put it; 'Sad songs say so much'.

We all have our favourites, which we can relate to a particular period, or moment of our lives. For me,Chasing Cars became an anthem for me and my children in 2008. It signified everything I felt about our situation; facing the world together, just the four of us. Oh how I listened to that song, over and over, tears flowing freely.

I spent a great deal of time in 2008 listening to music. Lying down and letting the words wash over me. Wallowing in the pain, letting out the tears, and getting angry,or inspired.....depending upon the tune.

I still do it today, although with less of the 'wallowing', I hasten to add!

But there was this moment, back in the summer of 2008, which I can only describe as my musical 'kairos' or 'moment of truth'. It was a song I'd heard many times before, yet before that moment in time, it had never held such significance.

Life was in turmoil, the Divorce was in full swing, and I had recently discovered some incredibly painful and unpleasant truths about the person I thought I had known, but,it turned out, was only just beginning to. I was in an emotionally charged place, and perhaps more vulnerable than ever before in my life.

A dear friend took me to Zurich to see a stadium gig. It was a massive piece of musical theatre, performed by an Artist I have always admired for her tenacity and originality.
The show was electric, full of energy and completely spell binding.

Then, came this moment, when she sang this particular song, and it was like the world melted away, and she was singing just to me. A light switched on, and every single word of the song rang true. I stood there, enthralled, and suddenly, I was hit with with the resolve I'd been so desperately searching for all those months.

I've played the song many more times since, and every word still rings true. It's about realising you've been kidding yourself about somebody. It's about recognising the lies and deceit, and taking that final step away, to save your own soul.

Life is full of these defining moments. They come from nowhere, they would seem innocuous under any other circumstances. Yet they are so important to us in that split second, almost as though they are messages from above.

You've got to love the Universe!

1 comment:

  1. I can totally relate to your post! I also went through a period in my life where I was surrounded by narcissists (3 at once!!!!) and when the truth of the situation hit me, it was in large part music that helped me get through the nightmare. Good post. thanks!