Work, Life, Balance....

For a single mum, work life balance is an enigma. We hear so much about it. We read so many articles which tell us how we must have the exact amount of ‘balance’ in between or ‘work’ and our ‘lives’, but was is ‘balance’ and why is it so elusive? A single mum, for most (of not all) of the time, needs to fulfil multiple rolls.

We must be Mummies first and foremost. We must be there for our kids whenever they need us. We need to educate, nurture and discipline them. We must guide them through their childhood and provide a safe and loving environment in which they can feel secure. We must feed and clothe them, teach them manners and respect, as well as ensuring their safety and of course their happiness.

This is, in itself, a full time job, as any mum would tell you. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day to be a mum. We all know that.

Then, we have to add that the single mum also needs to be ‘dad’. She not only needs to go out to work and earn the money to keep the family secure, but she also needs to make herself available for extra emotional support when required.

Some lucky single parents get financial support from their ex’s, but rarely is it enough to preclude the need to work, and in many (most) cases, there is no financial support at all, which means that the buck stops with Mum. This is a pretty scary prospect. Not only do we have to provide the food, the home, the clothes, the endless pairs of shoes, all home comforts, the car, the holidays…(the list is endless) but that’s on top of what we already do every day in the parenting role. In order to be able to fulfil the ‘provider’ role as well as the mum role, we need to spend a large chunk of our week at work.

This is time away from the kids, and as any working mum will tell you , this leads to feelings of guilt. No matter how much we try to rationalise it, all working mums feel guilt about leaving the kids (especially when they’re very young).

Regardless of the fact that it’s a necessity, we can’t control our emotions about this, so we learn to live with the guilt. It’s just all part and parcel of being a working single parent.

So, we’ve got 30-40 hours a week on ‘work’ and pretty much the rest of the time on ‘life’ (‘life’ to me is the time spent with the children, or on other activities outside of paid work)

But….on top of the paid ‘work’ and the fun bits of ‘life’ (being with the family) we singletons also have to cram in some time for the mundane stuff, like keeping the house in order, cleaning, shopping, washing clothes, paying the bills and generally ‘project managing’ the family’s entire existence. Because, at the end of the day, being the head of a single parent family is all about successful project management. Most of us have it down to a fine art, or a perfectly executed military operation. Everything requires planning, and managing, if it’s to go smoothly. From organising childcare, to planning holidays, trips, time with friends or relatives, and any and all activities in between. Every detail needs to be considered and planned.

So, where does this leave any time to achieve balance?

The balance is achieved when we have the right amount of time to spend on work and life, but also on some pleasurable activity for ourselves. It can be anything from sport, to a trip to the cinema alone, a meal in a restaurant or even just a coffee with a friend, anything which gives us exclusive pleasure. Ask any single mum and they’ll tell you they have very little time at all for themselves, and when they do, they are so tired all they want to do is sleep!

But you can’t achieve balance without this crucial ingredient, because it defines the lines between work and life. No matter how busy we may be, we MUST find time for an activity which gives us exclusive pleasure. ie. away from the children and the house, concentrating only on us.

I spent four years with no balance at all. Recently, on the advice of good friends and my doctor, I took up jogging again (an activity I have always enjoyed). I don’t get a lot of time to do this, but I’ve managed to put three hours a week to one side EXCLUSIVELY for me. Shock horror!

And, you know, it really works! I run, or if I can’t run, I’ll just go out ALONE for one hour. It’s amazing! Doing this for just three hours a week has added that all important ingredient into my life which was missing before. Balance!

It doesn’t need to be much, but it does have to be exclusively for you, and it has to be away from the home environment. Staying at home for a quiet hour doesn’t cut it, because you need to be away from your everyday ‘life’ to achieve the all-important balance.

Being a single parent is a struggle and a juggling act. We should give ourselves credit for all the hard work we do, and we should most definitely make sure we strive for that essential ‘balance’ which seems to elude us for most of the time.

Try it!!

Breakfast with Books ....Cyrus Webb

One of the best interviews I've done so far regarding my book Web of Lies. Cyrus had read the book and really knew what he was driving at when he asked the questions. The passage he read from the book was not one I was expecting to discuss. This shows to me that he really understood the subject matter.

I can't wait to appear in his Conversations Magazine in July

Thanks again Cyrus, it was a great interview

And readers.....don't forget that we're promoting Web of Lies on Kindle this weekend.......you can download it for FREE!

Writing book reviews...

I have to admit, I don't do enough of this.

That's probably because I don't read enough books, as I'm too busy writing them. If I do write a review though, I always try to make it constructive and helpful, and not just a description of the story. Even worse, one sentence which tells the review reader absolutely nothing about either the book or my opinion of it.

A review should be exactly that, it should describe how the book made you feel, what you thought about the style of writing, and offer constructive criticism to the Author, whilst also offering a recommendation (or not) for other readers who may be considering purchasing the book.

The other day, I received one of the most heartfelt reviews I've ever had. You can read it here

For me, one of the most meaningful sentences of this review is this one

Perhaps, when we know of friends who are lying to themselves in similar situations, we should simply give them this book to read, rather than offer advice that we know they will ignore.

This sentence really sums up the reason I wrote the book in the first place; namely, to help others recognise elements of their own situation, and recognise which aspects of their character are leaving them open to manipulation.

It's a brilliant review, not just because it's a recommendation of my book, but it really tells me that this reviewer has read my words, and understands exactly where I was coming from when I wrote them. An Author can't ask any more than that.

When I review books in the future, I'll always keep this particular idea in mind. There's also some good book review information here

Thanks for all those who have taken the time and effort to read and review Web of Lies so far. I truly appreciate the constructive advise I have received.

Sarah x

Review of Web of Lies......

Thank you to Fran for this review.....Minds Eye

There are many definitions of blindness. One where the person cannot visually see and the other where we sometimes are blinded by the truth in order to compensate for something missing in our lives when our happiness hinges on what we think we believe. People are not always what they appear to be and innocent women and men are often drawn into the webs of deceit, lies and intrigue when enveloped by someone that presents themselves as upstanding, well to do and respectful. But, hidden beneath this false veneer or façade is a person that no one really wants to get to know but one whose personality is so destructive and whose victims learn to late as you will learn in Web of Lies a true and heartfelt story told by author Sarah Tate who lived it. Narcissistic personality disorder is often hard to detect if you are mesmerized and blinded by the person’s kindness, false caring and extreme attention. A person with this type of disorder needs to feel in control, powerful and definitely preoccupied with his/her own self-importance and worth. These people need others to almost bow down to them and humble themselves in order to be in their presence. But, it takes cunning and clever person to snare their victim into their Web and create a feeling of comfort and confidence before the truth comes out. Bill Tate met Sarah during an interview she was having for a new job in Switzerland. Interrupting the conversation he did not seem concerned with the outcome of her interview only that he gained her total attention. Sarah, at the onset and time thought him kind, considerate and just trying to show her around her new surroundings. Little did she know what he was really up to and some of the warning signs that she immediately saw she did not heed. Bill wined and dined her although all she wanted was his friendship and no more, but he had a whole other agenda in mind. Throughout the start of their relationship Bill wined and dined Sarah and made her feel like a princess sitting on her own special throne. But, that was the part his luring her into his den of deceit and hate. So, why would she marry him and why did she fall prey?



March 2001 Bill decided to propose and take Sarah away on a romantic tryst to seal the deal. He even managed to convince her of the venue for the wedding. Even though it appeared she had the ability to decide and make choices she really did not. However, this is when the warning signs should have appeared and the red flags but when you think you really care for someone and are overwhelmed by their attention you are often blindsided as she was and so was everyone else. When Bill told her of his first failed marriage and the death/suicide of his second wife Sophia, that alone should have set off alarms but he was so convincing all she felt was sadness and compassion for what he claimed he went through. Even staying with Sophia’s close friends in order to clear out her things and bring what he wanted home, should have alerted Sarah to his true personality but it did not. A marriage of business convenience gone sour and a woman who might have wanted more but he claimed he did not. Camouflaged within this man who was much older than Sarah was someone else. The story has just begun and there is much more tell as I review Web Of Lies by Sarah Tate.



Then the money he had began to disappear, his claim that Sophia stole from him and took loans out seemed to be able to fool everyone. The intricate web of deceit really dug deep into Sarah’s heart, naivety and mind as Bill began to unravel and his true colors appeared but each time Sarah seemed resigned to believe him and not see past what he was really doing. Financial constraints, blaming them on Sophia and claiming he was superior to his bosses and they did not appreciate him. At times he claimed he took jobs that were beneath him in order to bring money into their home but Sarah lost more than just her pension money she lost her life as she would know it. Blaming Bill for Sophia’s death her parents would not want anything to do with him. Can you blame them? Using Sarah as his cover he even transferred funds, their home and more into her name filing for bankruptcy in order to not payback loans and other money and got away with it. Marriage seems right at the time but was it when things finally came to light. A red flag at their wedding should have warned her that his own family did not want to be around him. A startling dream on her honeymoon was just a prelude for what we are now learning about him.



As they started their own company she thought things would go right but his business practices were questioned and he once again lied and claimed it was not his doing or fault. One lawyer that took his side and he was able to forge ahead for a while and many jobs and contracts fell through and still Sarah did not really see the light. Moving around and going from job to job and now they would have to move again as Bill could not seem to get along with anyone that was in a higher position than him and moving from Switzerland might be her salvation except now she was pregnant again. She needed help and was handling everything on her own but her new friends came to her aide. But, if she were not to have any stress how would she handle another court order demanding money and payment from another bank? Except this was for her wedding.



Creating websites for people and charging them was Bill’s latest money making idea. Holding court at events in order to draw attention to him and shine the spotlight on him his norm. Instead of raising the fog that surrounded her and clear her blurred vision she ignored it and pushed her thoughts aside.



A startling revelation that stared her right in the face and now Sarah would regain her life. Just how she deals with the debts, the lies, the rest of his deceit and how she learns the truth about Sophia’s death, her relationship with Bill and more you need to learn for yourself. In the prologue you hear Sophia’s words, her final moments, seconds and her pain. As the author leads you on this tragic journey you learn much about this mentally ill man who preys on women, lies, manipulates and actually believes his own false truths in order to obliterate his sins. Dr. David Holmes adds a very insightful and informative Comment Section at the end of the book explaining Narcissist Personality Disorder and its manifestations and how it can be recognized and treated. Sarah you have finally found yourself and who you really are so never look back. You have realized that you have a solid voice that needs to be heard and sharing your story with the world you will not only let go of some of your anger and fear but help other women too.



I am really honored to have been asked to read and review this book and hopefully someday the world will not have to deal with any more Bills.



Fran Lewis: reviewer

Remembering......

In Loving Memory of those innocent people who lost their lives 23 yrs ago today. You'll never walk alone.

Justice for the 96......

New publicity for Web of Lies

There's a lot coming up in the coming months for Web of Lies. Interest has been slowly increasing over the past few weeks. There'll be pod casts, interviews, reviews and even a guest slot on a well known chat show.

Check out the Goodreads giveaway below for a free copy, or go to Kindle and download the book for just $1.99!

Check back here for details of upcoming events.......

New bookreads giveaway! Hurry!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Web of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist

by Sarah Tate

Giveaway ends April 12, 2012.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win