Blog off!!

Protecting free speech everywhere!

One billion rising....short film.....

**WARNING: MAY TRIGGER*

Thanks to S for sending this to me.......

Children of narcissists.......

....and why we should protect them....

Doormat, or emotional punch-bag?

I recently received this negative review on Amazon.com

I have nothing against negative reviews, they are part and parcel of being a published Author, and I welcome ALL critique, be it positive, or negative.

I just had to take exception to a couple of the points raised here though. Mainly because I'm human, and we all have that primal urge to 'redress' certain issues.

So, I'll take this 'review' of Web of Lies step by step, if I may.....


My book is a novel. It's NOT a self help book. It's a dramatic interpretation of real life events, and should therefore be classed as such. I didn't set out to write a 'self help' guide for victims of narcissistic abuse. I set out to tell a story about what happened to me, how it felt, and how I dealt with it. At no point do I tell my readers how to deal with their own issues. This was a very personal journey which I chose to share with the world. I do not proclaim to be an expert on NPD/APD. Indeed, I learned as I went along, as most victims do......


There is a HUGE clue in the title of the book 'My Life with a Narcissist'. It's an 'autobiographical novel' and should be read as such.

Further, there is a clearly worded disclaimer at the start of my book, which informs the reader, in no uncertain terms, that this is AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL, and that my book is SUBJECTIVE, NOT OBJECTIVE.

If you read beyond this point and are disappointed, then I'm sorry, but what were you expecting?


Finally, I have to address the 'doormat' issue, not only for myself, but for the many thousands (maybe even millions) of victims of emotional abuse.......

If you are fortunate enough to have never come into contact with a psychopath, then I applaud you. You are very lucky, and long may it last.
However, for those of us who have, it's extremely disconcerting to be described as a 'doormat'
Do you think we don't say this to ourselves every day?
Do you think we all INTENTIONALLY allowed ourselves to be abused?

Please, give us all (and there are many of us, believe me) some credit.

We are not, and never were 'doormats'

We were emotionally raped. We were in love. Hopelessly and totally in love. And you are never weaker and more vulnerable than you are when you're bowled over by another human being. At that point, you are completely at their mercy.

Well done for you, Mrs Critique, for never having been in that position. It isn't a good place to be, as I mention many times in Web of Lies, Self loathing is the worst type of depression.....and the reason us 'doormats' stayed so long with our Narc/Psych is because of exactly that....do you understand that?
Maybe not. And why should you? If you've never been abused, how can you possibly know how it feels?

But please, Mrs Critique, don't label us victims as 'doormats'. We are far from that. My book is testimony to this. I receive weekly Emails from grateful people who thank me for sharing my experience with them and giving them the strength to recognise just what they're up against, and make that final break.

Because, making that final break is the all important step for us 'doormats'. Our eyes are opened, and we leave.

As you yourself say in your 'review' of my book, you were hoping that:

" there might be some helpful advice as to how to either just "cope" or at least survive on some kind of level playing field with a narcissist"

Well, dear reader, there is no such thing as 'coping' or 'a level playing field with a narcissist', and as long as you believe that there is, there is no hope for your relationship 'it'.


If you are genuinely looking for advice and help on how to deal with your Narc/Psycpoath, then I hope you find the right book for you. If you think you can 'survive' in a relationship with one, and not become the 'doormat' you describe, then I wish you luck.....

Because, as us 'doormats' will tell you, there is only one way to 'cope', and that's to get as far away as possible.....oh, and maybe wipe your feet, on the way out.......

Proud to be British!

...and moreover, proud of my Merseyside roots.

This week has been emotional. It's been a week that we've waited 23 long years for.

It's one of those occasions which is imprinted on the mind forever. 'What was I doing on that day?'

Those of us who are old enough remember exactly what we were doing on April 15th, 1989, will never forget it.

I was a teenager at the time. I'd spent my Saturday as I always did. In town, with friends, buying records, talking about boys...

I remember coming home that afternoon and seeing my parents glued to the TV screen.

'Something terrible is happening' my mum said, her eyes red.

My dad was pacing up and down.

The commentator was confused. 'It seems there's a huge problem at the Liverpool end of the pitch. There are fans spilling onto the pitch, and some of them seem worse for wear.'

I remember watching the drama unfold. We could see fans from both ends ripping advertising hoardings from the side of the pitch to use as makeshift stretchers. It was chaos.

Only later did we realise the full extent of what happened that day. 95 fans dead on the day, another the following year, and over 400 injured. It was horrific.

We all know what followed, it's been well documented. Liverpool fans vilified by the tabloid press and blamed for causing the disaster by turning up drunk or without tickets. The blame was laid solely at the door of the fans. Despite the witness statements from those who were there on the day, nobody was held accountable for the deaths, except those who died, and their fellow LFC supporters.

The families of those who died have campaigned tirelessly, and fearlessly since that day, in order to set the record straight. They have been met with hurdles and blockades from the highest levels of Government, yet they kept on, steadfast in the belief that the truth will ALWAYS come out.

The ground was KNOWN to be unsafe
The gate was opened allowing fans to spill into ONE pen, when three were available
The fact that ambulance crews were forbidden from accessing the ground
The infamous (and totally ludicrous) 3.15pm cut off point
The smearing of the fans by the police
The deliberate altering of statements

Thank you to all those who have campaigned to uncover the REAL truth.


I salute them all, and I salute the people of Liverpool, Merseyside, and beyond for never giving up.

I was told on a forum this week that the pain felt by people at the loss of the 96 is 'cheap emotion'.

Cheap emotion???

When I questioned this, I was informed that the 96 are 'martyrs' and this person couldn't understand how dead people could be 'turned into heroes'. That people should 'comfort the living, and move on'.

This kind of attitude fills me only with rage. Thank goodness the majority of us are able to reason and are not so blinkered and bigoted in our views.

I have been heartened and moved by the resolve of the British public this week. The ones who have REAL feelings, and truly understand what happened on that fateful day.

I'm proud of the empathy shown by the British public. And I'm proud to be a Merseysider. This week has finally brought out the truth which we all knew for years. The Liverpool fans were NOT to blame for what happened. The Police and Authorities (yes, right up to the top) were involved in a most despicable and deplorable cover up.

The media (most notably, the Sun newspaper) were party to this appalling and shameful act.

What we have witnessed this week is the result of resolve and resolute belief.
It's not about 'revenge' or 'finger pointing'. It may have taken 23 years, but the truth came out, and now, finally, the families of those 96 innocents may be able to turn a corner.

How dare anybody say they should have 'let it go'?

And today, we see our LFC anthem back at number one in the charts.

The British people have spoken. They have collectively united to download this most emotional peace of music and propel it to number one in the charts. Whether from Liverpool, Manchester, the Midlands or the South. This is the true spirit of football, and this means so much to us ALL.


I hope the British establishment is listening.........because this is just the beginning.....




Oh, and in case you don't know the TRUTH....
PS. To Dad. I miss you xxx

The predatory woman...beware the female PSYCHOPATH!

I've never written about this subject before, but of course it's a given that female psychopathy is equally as prevalent as the male version.


I have lots of male readers, and I receive lots of Emails from men who have been through the exact same experience that we (females) have endured.


Psychopathy is not an inherently male affliction, no siree, there are just as many female predators out there....


So, what is an unsuspecting man to look out for?


Well, here you go fellas, it's not rocket science, but please, watch for the following signs......


Check here for the full article


1. The psychopath will use you for whatever purpose SHE wants–sex, money, a mask of normalcy–and keep you in your place by getting you to focus on your weaknesses and pouncing on your insecurities


2. Once they set their eyes on you as their main target (their “prize”), psychopaths typically engage in whirlwind romances.


3. They can’t get enough of you. They want to see you and make love to you all the time. They flatter you constantly.


4. You are the one true love of their lives


Watch out for these hooks, guys! They mean nothing, and will render you helpless once she has her nasty claws into you.


Another note for you guys:


She doesn't MEAN any of it. It's all a big LIE to get you hooked! All the sex, all the flattery, it's worthless. You mean NOTHING to her!


If she exhibits symptoms of aggression or impulsion RUN NOW!!


You may also want to read up on my now world famous Impact of Cluster B blog.

Don't go there, guys.


Psychopaths are all evil, regardless of their sex....

C-PTSD - don't forget the triggers!

One of the most popular articles on this blog is about C-PTSD, an invisible shadow which blights the lives of so many of us.

There’s plenty of information about this condition available on the web, yet there aren’t really many articles which teach us how to cope with it.

There’s a good reason for this. C-PTSD is very much an individual thing. It’s not a ‘one size fits all’ condition, far from it. C-PTSD is your very own ‘tailored’ condition which is made to measure your own situation. Indeed, if it were a suit, it would be straight from Savile Row, it's impeccably tailored to you, the individual.

One of the best tools you can use to arm yourself against the seemingly unforeseen attacks (which can render you an emotional wreck for what usually appears to be no apparent reason), is to try to recognise the triggers which unleash the condition.

The external triggers tend to be the ones we watch out for, and are more aware of, because these usually provide a direct link/memory relating to the traumatic situation which caused the condition. External triggers are therefore the ‘easy’ ones to spot. They are tangible, and we can recognise them easily. Over time, we learn how to cope with external triggers and develop our own mental defences against them and the emotions they release. Obviously it’s going to be much easier to cope when you know a certain event, place, or even a smell, may set off that dreaded tummy fluttering, nausea, detachment, anger, fear and frustration.

But what about the internal triggers?

The internal triggers are the elusive ones, because we never really know what they are or which situation might evoke them. We may even forget over time that a certain emotion or feeling may trigger us, and be taken completely by surprise and left dazed and confused after the spectre that is C-PTSD suddenly rears its ugly head after a period of absence.

This happened to me very recently. Having enjoyed several months of light with virtually no lurking shadows, I was caught completely off guard and sent spiralling by what should have been an innocuous event.

I won’t detail the event itself; suffice it to say it should not (under normal circumstances) have unleashed such an emotional storm.

It was to do with a feeling of (lack of) control over a certain situation, and to be honest, it left me reeling.

This is why C-PTSD is so threatening. We can be lulled into a false sense of security, thinking we have it under control, only to be knocked off course when we least expect it.

What negatively compounded my recent brush with it, was the fact that I didn’t realise I had been triggered, or what it was that triggered me, until several days in. Only when the emotions started to subside and I was able to think about it rationally, did I realise what had just happened.

It was comforting to know I wasn’t losing my marbles after all, but it was also a stark reminder that this damn condition is an absolute bugger to shift. I had to go back to reading my own article on the subject, and the research I did about it during the really dark times, to remind myself just how difficult it can really be.

We certainly shouldn’t underestimate the power of C-PTSD, and the havoc it can reap, but equally, my recent experience has left me feeling somewhat defiant as well. It’s feels as though an uninvited and most unwelcome old acquaintance has forced its way back into my life against my will, and I’m annoyed with myself that I didn’t see it coming, and therefore let it in again.

Now I have recognised what it was, I can deal with it. It’s not easy, but we learn over time what works for us individually. Just as the condition itself is moulded around you and your character traits, so the coping mechanisms are equally as individual.

Personally, I find it an enormous relief just recognising and understanding what the problem is and where it came from. I also find that talking to somebody helps. It doesn’t have to be a therapist. A good friend with an open mind is just as good as anything else.

Running helps me too. I’ve blogged about this as well, and can certainly recommend exercise as a way of relieving the stress. It also gives you some time to get your thoughts straight, because C-PTSD has a really uncanny way of screwing up even your basic thought processes.

So, I have taken the time to remind myself about C-PTSD in all its guises, and in particular those very personal triggers which vary so much from person to person. It’s worth taking some time to do this, in order to avoid being caught off guard the way I was.

Know your triggers! Banish the shadow!

There’s a very helpful article about C-PTSD here